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There is life after divorceThere is life after divorce I fought to write this blog for several reasons. One, I'm a single mother of four kids and life gets busy. Two, I'd start writing it and I felt like I was giving an impression that it was a kind of unmarried super-hero mother who encouraged divorce, and I'm not and I'm not doing it at all. So I decided to marinate in thoughts and allow myself to feel what happened to me when I thought about divorce and my life for several weeks. So today I decided I was ready to write it. This Christmas my four-year-old daughter sat on Santa's lap and told her everything about the unicorn she expects to receive on Christmas morning. Charlotte told him this year he was going to stay awake and see him. They talked about the cookies she cooked and it was a very sweet moment. We were at an event in Austin City Moms Blog and there was no waiting line, no crowd of shopping center, just Charlotte and Santa chatting. And then, she says, "Well, can I tell you something really sad in my heart?" I looked over my shoulder in Santa a few meters from them with a look of uh-oh on my face. He looked down at his little half-painted glow nails and said, "I'm just sad. My heart is sad. My dad no longer loves my mom and our family doesn't live together." My heart sank. We talked about it on the way home and I assure you that while Mom and Dad don't live together anymore that she is absolutely loved by all of us. It wasn't long before she was trying to measure that love with the gestures of the grandiose's arm as wide as a 4-year-old can tie her arms. Born of her three brothers, her dad and I asking if each of them loved her so much. To what I've insured so much and more. I'm in the middle of my second divorce. I'll be 40 next month. It's a difficult pill for me to swallow and one that I'm not taking or facing slightly. I have good days and bad days. I think the fuel that keeps me going, which allows me the ability to smile, laugh, plan travel, spend time with friends is simple. Acceptance. I've agreed that sometimes plans have a way to fall in the middle of the flight. I have learned to accept defeat with the grace of a woman and not the pain of a child. I have a great relationship with my first ex-husband. It took time. We put the kids first and made a pact. We allowed children to be children and experience life as normal as they could a child with two parents. When we argue or struggle to make a decision about something, like a few years ago, my eldest son's decision to play football club. We stop and wonder: What would the answer be if we were married? The answer would be, I'd play. That's right. He and I did not allow the divorce decree to dictate how we give birth to our children. Our children have a voice in which they want to be with and when and we support it as best we can. If a child has a pyjama that succeeds he wants to go to Dad's house, he's fine. If your father wants this Thanksgiving Day, but it's not yours for the decree, we work it out. Accepting that we are divorced and working in the best interests of children is paramount. That doesn't mean that I didn't spend the first years after the divorce that lies beneath the Christmas tree in fetal fetal position crying. Accept that there will be days of ugly screaming. Accepting that there is life after divorce and the sun still rises. Accepting that children continue to grow and need to be my best me. Accepting that sometimes I have to be a mother and dad. Accepting that sometimes I just need to pick up the phone and schedule an appointment with my advisor or contact my tribe. The list goes on and on, but the operative word for me, acceptance. So, while I drove Charlotte home from our event, I had to remind myself that what I've overcome before can be overcome again. To keep my head up and be the rock my kids need to be. I'm strong. I'm enough. I'm gonna get through this. I just need to give me some grace, persevere, and savor in the fact that like Charlotte, I am also loved "this much."5 COMMENTSThank you for your beautiful words. For those of us who are living this journey is so important to listenBeautiful. Thanks for the vulnerability and courage to share this. He touched me and helped me, as I'm sure many others are good mom. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have a very similar one... divorced, almost 40 and 4 children. I want children to live a happy life, however, I struggle to overcome my sadness that they have divorced parents. My divorce was unpleasant with my ex, but my kids never saw any of that. Although I still can't forgive my ex, I'm friendly with him and make sure it's a big part of their lives. Right now, we are attached to the rules of the decree, but I hope we can be more flexible in the future. I really liked the fact that you use "what we would do if we were still married" to make decisions. I'll contact my ex. Thanks again for sharing. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has these struggles. Thanks for sharing this, it is difficult to find people who are or have gone through similar situations. I'm not sure when I get better, it's definitely a daily task, but I'm 100% sure we'll get through it and get stronger. Keep you in my thoughts, Mom, as I know exactly the feeling. Thanks for this. I'm 40 years old and I got divorced 4 years. I'm not sure how you do it with 4 kids but I'm in fear! Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not alone. LEAVE A REPLY Save my name, email and website on this browser for the next time you comment. Be a Austin InsiderEvents Calendar March 2021 M T W T F S S 29 31 1 3 4

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